When my husband asked my dad for his permission to marry me, my dad told him, “Alex, Marriage is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do and it is one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever experience.”
He was SO right. I wanted to share this thought because I think people have a misconception that when you get married everything will be PERFECT. Let’s be honest, you see instagrams of newlywed couples gushing about how much they love their spouse and their newlywed activities and adorable matching shirts (guilty) – but you don’t hear about the growing pains, adjustments and tough compromises that have to be made in the first well, forever.
For all of my friends who are married, getting married, and will be married I need you to remember that even when things are hard, if you’re BOTH willing to work together, compromise and be understanding of the other person’s feelings then the reward is immense. The trials will come and that’s okay, embrace them – use them to better yourself, to better each other and as a means to love even more fiercely than the day before.
It’s overcoming these trials that will make the two of you even closer, a stronger team, an unstoppable force. If I may, I’d like to impart a few of the lessons I’m learning along the way and as I feel inspired I will continue to add to this post.
As long as the end goal is the same it doesn’t matter how you get there.I think the biggest struggle for me has been not doing things my way. It sounds ridiculously childish but all of a sudden there is this other person with an equally strong opinion on how something should be done and wholeheartedly believes his way is the right way. That’s hard!
Our first few weeks of marriage we spent going head to head on everything! Take for example a furniture shopping trip we went on about a couple of weeks after we moved into our apartment. The night before I’d found a great print chair in Homegoods, snatched it up and brought it home. Husband loved it and we were planning to keep it until the next day when we found two gorgeous matching wing backs for a steal in TJ Maxx. Husband says, “Yep let’s get these but I want to return the other chair today.” I say, “yeah, I’ll return it sometime next week, what does it matter?” But it mattered to him – for his peace of mind he wanted it returned that day. Naturally we begin to go back and forth when it hit me – we both want the same thing we’re just going about it in two different ways. So I conceded. And it hurt. And I cried. Then it felt good – because I realized that I just tapped into something that is going to save us a lot of heartache and strife in the future: If we are both seeking the same outcome, be okay with doing it his way. We returned the other chair that night and you know what he did? He thanked me. He hugged me and said in the sweetest voice, ‘thank you for that’.
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” – Proverbs
Contrary to what I believed, compromise or putting somebody’s feelings before yours does not equal weakness, defeat, or inferiority – it’s actually this beautiful, beautiful thing that brings you and your somebody closer and makes you fall in love again, and again and again.
xo – JP